i still haven’t passed the bar exam...
I graduated law school in May 2016. I hustled to earn good grades and I really pushed myself to take my time in school seriously. I participated in my school’s world renowned intellectual property clinic where I represented (with supervision) filmmakers, musicians, and inventors. I even moved to Geneva, Switzerland for a summer to work at the World Intellectual Property Organiztion (WIPO). I interned and was eventually hired to work as an in-house attorney at one of the most prominent black owned-entertainment companies in the country right out of law school. I had it all planned out! I was on my way to being a hot-shot intellectual property attorney in the entertainment industry.
After graduation, I locked myself away for the entire summer to study for the bar exam. I felt really good about it, and confidently walked out of the testing center after the test. About 4 months later, I finally got my results! I got a 259…… I needed a 266 to pass.
It wasn’t a huge deal. By this time, I was in a new position - a very comfortable one that I didn’t need the bar for. I also knew that I only needed to answer a few more questions correctly to pass. So I decided to retake the exam in February, and planned to start studying again in December.
Everything was going well by the time winter started. Because I was already familiar with the material, I focused on my weakest subjects and went straight into practice mode. I was killing my practice tests y’all. I was so ready! Then… I found out I was pregnant with Emery.
Still didn’t sweat it. I was only in my first trimester. The test was only two days long, and I knew the material. I knew I had it in the bag! I legitimately walked out of the exam knowing I had passed. A few months later, I got my results back. Excitedly, I opened the email and saw that I got a 26…3.. 263?!? Yep, failed by 3 points.
Again, wasn’t a huge deal. I was very pregnant by this time, and getting ready for my new baby was the only thing on my mind. I decided to take a break for a year, and would take the exam again the following February. I knew I had guaranteed 6 months of paid maternity leave. I could just study while I was home. (No dummy, maternity leave is not a vacation. I learned that quick 🤦🏾♀️ )
So winter comes around again, and I start to prepare. This time, I barely study. Not because I didn’t want to, but because being a mom to a newborn was a lot harder than I expected. I knew I should’ve postponed the exam, but my pride wouldn’t let me. So I took the exam… again.. But this time, I had accommodations! I was still breastfeeding so I was granted frequent snack and pumping breaks. This was the most relaxed I had ever felt. I actually felt like I had a chance!! Fast forward to my result!! I got a 264.. two. points. from. passing… (I took it again after this and failed by less than 5 points! I’ll spare you the details though. You already know how this ends…) I was broken…
So here we are, 4 years after graduation. A lawyer, but not a barred attorney.
Am I disappointed? Of course. My pride is definitely hurt when friends and family ask me, “So are you taking the bar again this year?” But my answer is always, “I’m not sure, yet.” No one ever hides their confusion well 😂
I would actually love to retake and pass the bar. But life looks really different right now. I don’t have 3 months to lock myself away to study, or an extra $5k for an exam study course. I still have a full-time career, businesses, and an entire family to care for. So I have to be smart about this! (But if any of you bar exam study companies wanna collab, I’m your girl!)
And keep in mind that the stakes are different now. I didn’t go the traditional route, but I ended up in an amazing legal position in my dream field with a phenomenal company. (If you didn’t know, I’m an intellectual property expert, and I basically advise law firms on trends and developments in intellectual property law). I also co-own a successful social media business, and I’m finally starting to make money off of my personal brand. (It’s only enough for groceries right now, but I’m getting there!!) Basically, I’m not in rush, and everything isn’t riding on this anymore.
So will I retake the exam? Eventually. I just don’t know when. Maybe next summer, maybe in the next 5 years. Either way, I’ll never stop trying. I just won’t stress myself out trying to get there.
If you’re a multiple bar taker or have a similar experience with an exam in your field, hit me up in the comments, or on IG at @noemiegaines. I’m interested to know your story, and how you’re managing. Let me know and share any advice you may have. I’m sure we can all learn from each other!
For the entire month of July, I’ll be posting a blog post every Monday through Friday as part of Mattie James’ consistency challenge. I’ll be covering everything from love and relationships to motherhood, cooking, and home decor. #mjconsistencychallenge #mjconsistencypays
Thanks in advance for taking this journey with me and let’s connect soon! <3.
XO
