From Burden to Blessing: How Vulnerability and Growth Changed the Course of My Relationship

If you were to meet my husband today, the first thing you’d probably learn about him is that he loves his wife… and second, that he doesn’t play about his daughters. But we’ve come a long way to get here…

When I think back to the beginning of my public relationship with Kier, the biggest insecurity I faced wasn’t the relationship itself. It was me. I felt like I was a burden. We had a child before marriage, even before getting engaged, and we weren’t even officially together in the beginning of my pregnancy. There was so much to unpack, and that made me hesitant about sharing our story online.

At the time, we were vulnerable about what we were going through, but it was hard for me to feel comfortable being open when I still carried this feeling of burden. Even after getting engaged, Kier had always been vocal about being unsure about wanting marriage or children, and those comments were hard to hear, much less share. I was afraid of what people would think. I was afraid people would see our relationship as a “scam” because, in those moments, Kier was still processing his feelings. But I also knew my husband—he’s a big feeler. He has to work through all his emotions before he gets to the heart of how he truly feels.

Fast forward to today, we’ve been married for five years, and I can confidently say I’m the biggest blessing in his life. Our family is his greatest joy. And looking back on those hard conversations, I understand now that it wasn’t my responsibility to take his words personally. What he needed at the time was a safe space to process those unfiltered, raw emotions, and it was part of our growth that I gave him that space.

It wasn’t always easy. Our relationship wasn’t a fairy tale. It didn’t start with the traditional courtship or even the intention of being together long-term. We didn’t want a relationship when we met. It just happened. And with that came a lot of hurdles—emotional barriers that we had to overcome to be vulnerable with each other, to envision a future together.

I know our story isn’t the “typical” one, and some people may not agree with how it unfolded. But through all the discomfort and uncertainty, we found our rhythm. We gave each other space to grow. And today, we’re in a place where we feel safe, respected, and deeply connected. We don’t argue; we’re intentional with our words, aware of each other’s triggers, and our trust in one another is unwavering.

I truly believe that the vulnerability we embraced early on—however painful—paved the way for the stability we have now. If we hadn’t worked through those uncomfortable feelings in the beginning, we wouldn’t have reached this level of trust and emotional safety.

Now, as we continue to share our lives publicly and serve as a source of inspiration to others, I want to be real about what it took to get here. I don’t want to just share the highlight reel. Our relationship isn’t about perfection. It’s about working through the messy, difficult parts to get to a place of real connection and understanding.

How We Got Here: 5 Realizations from Our Journey

If you’re reading this, you might have seen my recent post where I shared how vulnerability turned our relationship from burden to blessing. Here’s a deeper look at the practical steps that helped us strengthen our bond:

1. We Made Vulnerability a Priority.

We intentionally created a space where both of us could be open about our feelings, no matter how uncomfortable those feelings were. It wasn’t easy, but being vulnerable allowed us to work through our emotions instead of bottling them up.

2. We Gave Each Other Room to Grow.

Neither of us wanted a relationship when we first met, but when we started leaning in that direction, we had to give each other the time and space to grow into it. Sometimes, the best thing you can do is allow your partner to evolve at their own pace (respectfully, of course).

3. We Communicated Without Judgment.

One of the hardest, but most important, things we learned was to listen to each other without judgment. Kier could express his feelings about marriage and children freely, and I had to learn not to take those feelings personally, but rather as part of his emotional process.

4. We Focused on Intentional Conversations.

Now, we’re very intentional about how we speak to each other. We know each other’s triggers, and we’re mindful about the language we use, which has brought so much peace into our relationship.

5. We Built Trust Through Transparency.

Trust didn’t happen overnight. It was built on consistent, open communication and transparency. We worked hard to ensure that we could be our true selves with one another without fear or pretense.

These five steps didn’t just happen overnight. They took time, patience, and a lot of uncomfortable conversations. But I promise, if you both commit to them, you’ll find your relationship evolving into something deeper and more connected.

I hope this post encourages you to reflect on your own journey, whether you’re just starting out or have been with your partner for years. Vulnerability is a powerful tool in building a stronger relationship. If you found these tips helpful, feel free to share your thoughts in the comments, or connect with me online. Let’s continue the conversation!