i wish we discussed separation before we got married.

Jul 13

Jul 13 i wish we discussed separation before we got married.

My husband and I are both pretty open communicators in our marriage. We’re not afraid to talk about our past relationships, fears, or previous “transgressions” as long as we’re in a space to actively listen, remain respectful, and reserve judgment. However, the most recent episode of the Red Table Talk made us confront the fact that despite us being so “open,” we have never actually discussed separation or divorce before we got married. I may have consciously avoided it so that I wouldn’t inadvertently manifest anything. But now, I really wish we did!

In a recent episode of our vlog, my husband and I discovered that we have completely different views on the effects and motives behind separating and they are, in large part, attributable to our personal experiences. I think I’m a lot more forgiving and understanding because of my experience as a teenager witnessing my parent's’ separation and ultimate divorce after over 20 years of marriage.

I vividly remember seeing how heartbroken my parents were. Not because they gave up on their marriage, but simply at the fact that something they both put time and effort into just didn’t work out. I know it was painful for them both, but a lot of growth happened over those years. And it finally allowed me to see my parents as real people.

I won’t make a judgment call on why people should or shouldn’t separate. That decision relies so much on the couple in the relationship and their individual needs. I also can’t predict the future in my marriage, but I’m seeking to strengthen our relationship to make sure we both feel respected and comfortable enough to discuss “uncomfortable” topics like this.

My husband and I have a lot more work to do than I originally thought, but I’m proud that we’ve committed to consistently work on the marriage. Because it’s WORK!

For the entire month of July, I’ll be posting a blog post every Monday through Friday as part of Mattie’s James’ consistency challenge. I’ll be covering everything from love and relationships to motherhood, cooking, and home decor. #mjconsistencychallenge #mjconsistencypays

Thanks in advance for taking this journey with me and let’s connect soon! <3.