I’m Sorry, but “Healed” isn’t a Thing…

I was talking with a friend recently, and she mentioned something that made me pause. She said, “I just want to be healed.” Without thinking too much about it, I replied with something that’s been on my mind for years: “Healed isn’t a thing.” If you know me personally, you’ve heard me say this before. But when she found that perspective so helpful, it hit me—I needed to share it.

For a long time, I used to believe that healing was something you could “achieve”—like a finish line you cross when you’ve done enough self-work. But I’ve come to realize that healing doesn’t work like that. There’s no grand finale, no moment where you can look back and say, “I’m done.” Instead, healing is a constant, ongoing process. It’s fluid. It ebbs and flows.

There are days when you’ll feel like you’ve got it all together—like you’ve made real progress. And then there are days where you’ll feel raw, like everything you’ve been working on is unraveling. That’s okay. In fact, that’s normal. The key isn’t to chase this idea of being “healed” but to embrace where you are right now, knowing that healing is a part of your everyday life.

I didn’t always understand this. I thought healing meant fixing everything that felt broken or hurt. But now, I see that healing isn’t about “fixing” myself—it’s about showing up, being present, and choosing to keep moving forward, even when it feels hard. It’s about leaning into the messy or imperfect part of life and realizing that the journey itself is where the growth happens.

So, if you’ve been feeling like you’re waiting for some version of yourself that’s fully “healed” to show up, I want to tell you—it’s okay if that never happens. Because the beauty of healing is that it doesn’t have to be perfect. It just has to be real.

5 Realizations From Embracing the Healing Process:

1. Healing is messy, and that’s okay.

Some days, you’re on top of the world, and others, you might feel like you’re back at square one. It’s like working out after a long break—you’re sore, maybe frustrated, but it’s part of the process. I’ve had days where everything felt like progress, and then the next day, the same issue I thought I resolved hits me out of nowhere. And you know what? That’s just part of healing. It’s not about getting it “right” every time, but learning to sit with the mess and keep moving forward.

2. The process matters more than the outcome.

I used to think healing had a clear finish line—like once I fixed one area of my life, I could move on to the next. But healing doesn’t have a checklist. It’s about what you learn in the moments when you think nothing’s happening. Think about it like cooking—sometimes the meal doesn’t come out perfect, but the experience of making it, tweaking the recipe, adjusting the heat, that’s where the growth happens. Every step teaches you something new, and that’s where the real value is.

3. You can be both healing and thriving.

I used to believe that I had to be fully “healed” before I could truly enjoy life. But that’s not how it works. I’ve learned that I can experience joy, success, and growth while still working through things. Think of the times when life feels chaotic, but you still have those moments of laughter with friends or hit a big win at work. Those moments matter. Healing doesn’t mean waiting to live your life until everything is perfect—it means finding the light even when things feel heavy.

4. Give yourself grace.

This was probably one of the hardest things for me to learn, and I’m still working on it. There are days when it feels like nothing is working, and I’m tempted to get down on myself. But healing isn’t linear. Maybe you’ve been pushing through a tough season, and one bad day makes you feel like you’ve lost all the progress. I get it. But I’ve learned to pause, breathe, and remind myself that even showing up—on the tough days—is a win. Grace is giving yourself permission to not have it all together.

5. Healing is personal.

Your healing journey won’t look like anyone else’s, and it shouldn’t. I used to compare myself to others, thinking I should be further along or handling things differently. But healing is deeply personal. What works for someone else might not work for you, and that’s perfectly fine. Whether you’re working through childhood trauma, relationship struggles, or just trying to manage the day-to-day, your process is yours. Honor it. Whether you’re seeing a therapist, journaling, meditating, or simply taking one small step every day, know that your healing is valid, no matter what it looks like to others.

Healing is something we live through every single day, and the most important thing is giving ourselves the grace to keep showing up for it.